It is something we often talk about and that we quote in one way or another, often. And yet, it seems to be one that we also often set aside for the conveniences of life, for the business of life. How often do we really and truly stay in the moment, not thinking about the outcome? When we go out, we go out with an intention. When we start our days, we start them with an intention. When we sit down on a project, we sit down with an intention. We have been blessed with this amazing power called the “power of intention”. This power allows us to be the masters of our experiences. To create, to truly be the creators of our realities; the writers of the story as it were. There has been a tremendous amount of teachings, especially in the last few years, about “manifesting”. About consciously creating the things and experiences we want out of life. Taking control of our destinies. It is such a liberating and empowering feeling to awaken to the forgotten knowledge of our personal power to create. It can also be kind of scary to realize that our lives are our responsibility, our experiences are our creations.
I sat with my two year old nephew yesterday coloring; he loves to color! I caught myself many times thinking about the picture and what it would look like,; focused on coloring to make it look like this or that. One of the coloring books requires a special marker that only colors pre-set parts of the page. So that the picture appears as you use the special markers. I sat there coloring, focusing on the drawing and what it would look like and finding the parts of the page that would show up. My nephew could care less! It was all about me, sitting there with him, sharing time together and running the markers across the page. The fact that parts of pictures popped up was as by-product of the process. He is totally absorbed in the moment (another catch phrase, “the moment”). Children are such wonderful and magical teachers, when we allow ourselves to listen and pay attention. The picture books are not about what they look like or what pictures will be created, it is the process of creating, of what we are doing at that moment and paying close attention to who we are doing it with, of really being there and enjoying. Creation is a by-product of the process. The magic lies within the process.
It is our birthright to be creators. It is also easy to get caught up in what we are creating and lose track of the actual process. What is it that you want in your world, that you do not already have? We all can think of things. And that is also part of the process. OUr next task is to make sure to enjoy the process, the journey. For, truly, there are no destinations. There are only scenic overlooks along the road of life. The road keeps going, with or without us. Be magical creators and create magic in your life all the while, paying attention to the process and enjoying the scenery along the way.
May your journey be filled with love and endless magical moments that inspire and fill your heart with joy.
I took a step
I feel the air rushing fast
I closed my eyes
Let the wind rush past
I let it all go
As the world flies by
Falling upwards
The droplets from my eyes
Hands open up
Waiting for a reply
One more look
and it all goes goodbye
Originally Posted: 6/16/2008
Thoughts on parenting…
The more I explore, the more complex (yet simple) parenting seems to get.. We are all products of our upbringing and the world around us. As author of “The mastery of Love”, Don Miguel Ruiz calls it; we are domesticated as we grow up… As parents, we (hopefully) endeavor to not make the same mistakes our parents made, to take things up a notch as it were.
Parenting is the greatest and most challenging gift there is. We are responsible for someone else that is completely reliant upon us; for everything. No matter what, we are never ready for it,no matter what we may think. It is never what we expected. It is frustrating and calming at the same time. It evokes every emotion imaginable and yet, no mater how we feel, there is always that pure and truly unconditional love. We can be furious and we still love our little ones with all our hearts and souls. One of the biggest challenges is to not let our issues be our children’s issues. Many times, I have caught myself feeling crappy and over-reacting to something and then having to back pedal… What we are going through is NOT their issue. It is our issue and they have no way to discern between them and bills that need paying, a crappy boss, bad traffic or whatever other worldly issue we are going through. If we are feeling crappy and we take it out on them, then they simply think they are “bad” for wanting attention, for wanting love. Yes, we are allowed to feel and yeas, we are allowed to have bad days. It is our job to separate that from parenting – that is challenging… Children, when very young, know only that they love you and want to share love with you. If they spill something on the carpet, they are not maliciously doing it. They are playing and following their joy. It is up to us to find positive ways to set boundaries based upon love.
The more I explore, I realize that our job is to guide, not to rule. It is to share and love. Provide boundaries with compassion and openness. It is a balancing act and it is daunting as hell. There is no secret… Love them, pay attention to them, treat them like people, not kids. Teach by example, by being everything that we wish to instill in them. On so many occasions I have been reminded by my son of things that I have endeavored to teach him.
Our world is crazy and the truth is that a large portion of the people out there are living in the ego, are caught up in the race, in finding something to make them happy. Kids are exposed to so much these days, so quickly. So many of the kids out there are also caught up in the superficial.. I see my son bounce between two worlds and I know it will be challenging for him, to feel differently, to think differently, to be different… I had a rough time as a kid – I was very different, very empathetic and feeling oriented and a “Franz” in a world of Bob’s, Fred’s & John’s (not a judgement, just a metaphor). I can see similar qualities in my son and as a friend said to me, why would I want my son to not to experience those things, because look at who you are today? We cannot save our children from pain… We are not here to protect them from life, but to guide them and love them through it, so that they may discover for themselves, the amazing and divine being that they are. I guess that we all need to discover that… Staying present is imperative… And, it is okay to take care of ourselves, to do things that bring us joy and that we desire, for if we are not taking care of ourselves, there is no way that we can take care of them. As in all relationships, we must love and accept ourselves, in order to love and accept another… They need us and in order for us to give, we must be in a state of love. A daunting and beautiful task. One in which we learn as much as we teach (if not more). Enjoy each and every moment. Be as they are and remember what it felt like when you were a child. Allow them to be children and allow yourself to be a child with them. Grow and learn together. Explore life together. Love together.
Originally Posted: 5/8/2009
Who knows where this one will lead 
I woke up about an hour ago, tossed and turned for awhile, then finally gave in and got up. I made myself an English Muffin (with peanut butter of course 
and now am sitting here writing. I don’t wake up like this very often and I am not sure that I want it to be a habit… There is nothing weighing on my mind, I feel good and I should be tired as I did a lot of bike riding yesterday… My shoulder is pretty sore still but that is not a big deal either… it’s been sore for weeks It hasn’t impeded my sleeping yet..
So what better to do at 4:02am than write 
While I was lying in bed, tossing and turning, I was thinking about the Kelly Clarkson concert that my band, Crashing At Dawn will be performing at. As exciting as it is, I am not all bubbling about it. It “should” be a huge deal! I am excited to play in front of thousands of people and at the same time it is just another moment in life and to me,they are all exciting and amazing and wonderful… I got to thinking about perceptions and how we look at people differently based upon how we perceive them. Look at our fascination with “stars”. They are people just like you and I and yet, we place this huge air of importance and superiority on them. They are put upon pedestals and made to be larger than life. We are all larger than life We are all amazing, beautiful and divine beings. Each and every one of us… From the dirty, smelly, toothless, homeless person to the richest cleanest super star to the tranquil and peaceful monk, to the factory worker looking for a job in Michigan and on and on – I think you get the point Granted, it is more challenging on some than in others to see their beauty and their divinity.. That is only because of our conditioning to label and judge. It is beat into us from the moment we are born. Luckily, we get a few good years to love unconditionally and not see anything based upon race, creed, religion, sexual orientation or appearance of any kind. When we are very small and usually up until we are 5 or 6 even, we see everyone as human beings. We have no labels and no judgments. Sure there are some that we don;t like or don;t feel comfortable around and that is only based upon a gut level feeling – it has nothing to do with what they look like or any other “label” that the world places upon them. That is natural – not everyone is going to get along with everyone and we don;t need to… Some people will resonate with us and others won’t and that is perfect just as it is. So what happens to those beautiful, innocent children? As Don Miguel Ruiz puts is, we get domesticated. I like that term and the way he puts it (although, to me, he likes to say the same thing in too many different ways). Our parents, our teachers and the media all beat it into us, how we are supposed to look at the world and how we are supposed to label everything – this is good and this is bad… This is right and this is wrong. Everything has a label, everything must be categorized… I personally liked it better when I just loved unconditionally and that is what I strive to do once again. To find that space of innocence, where I can look at every human being and see that beautiful, innocent and loving child that is there, always has been there and always will be there. We all just need to remember. To realize again that every person out there was once a beautiful baby, and happy and adorable, playful child. Every single one of us. We are all born as pure loving beings and we are all born in a state of joy.
My challenge to you is, the next time you look at someone and start to call them this, that or the other (choose your label, be it a jerk, a murderer a religious fanatic, a politician, a cop, a robber, a dirty bum, a whatever with whatever negative connotation you use), take a moment and look at that person and visualize them as a baby or young child, laughing, gurgling and bubbling with all the cuteness and love that is a child. We were all there once before and we WILL all be there again, when we re-awaken to the divine beauty that is within us all.
That’s what I think about at 4:02am… and now. I will sleep again. I will dream about you and I will see you for the beautiful and divine being that you are. I will love you unconditionally and I will thank you for the gift that you bring to the world…
Originally Posted: 4/29/2009
I have been reading a lot lately about relationships. Of all sorts. Not just of the romantic variety. It keeps popping up in so many places. I have been looking at my relationships; past and present and looking at the dynamics of them. What made them work or not work? It is interesting how we human beings relate to one another; or rather how we do not relate to one another. The expectations, the assumptions, the thinking we know someone and what they think and/or feel. We really don’t have a clue as to what is going on within another person. As much as we think we do know someone or understand them, we DON’T! The second we believe that we “know” someone, we step into a quagmire of delusions. This is part of the insanity that we perpetuate and it is time to shift from trying to figure out others and trying to fix others, to focusing on ourselves, to finding completeness within. For it is only through being complete within ourselves that we can truly have a loving relationship with another human being.
One book I read recently talked about two halves coming together to form a whole… I thought about that and came to the conclusion, that if either person is not complete unto themselves, they will be looking to the other person to complete them. That is putting your happiness into someone else’s hands. How could that ever work. Not matter what, if you are relying on someone else to fulfill or complete you or make you feel anything, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. How can another human being make you happy? Sure, you can feel happy being around someone. Then what happens when they do something that you do not like? All of a sudden, you are not happy and it is their fault. Something as inane as leaving the toilet seat up! Now you have gone against my expectations and I am upset. Now your actions are contrary to what I think makes me happy. Even when we speak our expectations, we are saying it is someone else’s responsibility to be everything we expect in order for us to stay happy. And that is compounded by both sides having theses expectations and needs and wants. No person can ever be everything that someone else wants and envisions them to be. From this approach, all relationships are doomed – sure, some will last longer than others, as some people are able to allow more pain to pile onto themselves than others. Some even give up altogether and bury themselves into the other person to the point of losing themselves completely.
We carry emotional garbage with us into every situation and every relationship. A lifetime’s worth. Given to us by our family, our friends, our teachers, the media, everywhere. We are expected to be like “this” or like “that”. We can’t do that, we can’t do this. You must act and do this, this way or you are wrong. From the time we are small children we are pushed towards being what someone else wants us to be, what they expect us to be. As small children, we take in this garbage and internalize it, making it part of ourselves and then transfer that to every future relationship we have. And the cycle continues and grows.
We all have this innate desire for love, to be loved. We want to feel close to another human being, to be accepted, cared for, adored, cherished and desired. We feel so lacking in love because we are full of a lifetime’s worth of garbage and we become desperate for something to fulfill us, to make that garbage go away. Then we meet someone who we think matches our wants and we are filled with these intense feelings. The world suddenly revolves around this other person. What do you think happens when that person does something outside of our desires or expectations?
True love, is unconditional. It has no expectations, wants or desires. It is simply and purely love; as is. Is it possible to love someone else like that when we do not love ourselves like that? We human beings are so critical of ourselves and the world around us. We look in the mirror and find fault. We look at our lives and find fault. We look at our relationships and find fault. We find fault everywhere around us. Only from a state of wholeness within, can a truly unconditional love be possible. There is nothing outside of ourselves that can or ever will fulfill us. Nothing outside of us will ever give us the love we desire. That love, only comes from within. It is already there, it has never left, it has merely been covered over by a lifetimes worth of garbage. Now is the time to clean out our temples and let the light of love shine from within and shine out to the world.
When we walk down the street, we look at the people around us and instantly place them into a category. This person is attractive, they could be a potential partner. This person looks like “x”. We constantly are evaluating people based upon what we think we can get from them. No, it is usually not conscious, yet a lot of the time it is. It is that part within us that feels empty or alone, that desires. And again, it goes beyond the romantic. We look at people all of the time and determine what kind of person they are based upon what they are wearing, how they speak, what kind of car they drive, their hair style. We are judging. I do not know a single person, including myself that does not judge. It is not a matter of right or wrong, it is a matter of being aware of how we are interacting with the world around us, what signals and energy we are sending out. The world wants us to judge, to label and to categorize everything and everyone around us. It is how we think we need to function in order to maintain the “order” that we think is necessary. It all stems from a sense of lack within. For, what would be the point be in labeling anything if we felt completely at ease and unconditional love for ourselves? There would be no need to compare or judge. If we are whole and truly content with ourselves, what others do, say, dress like or act like, would not effect our happiness. We would still choose who to share with and not to share with. Those that did not feel empowering to be with, would simply move on to somewhere else without any negative impact on us. That driver that cut you off, would simply be someone that would pass on by. The rude clerk at the checkout, would be someone who you could simply smile warmly at and leave behind. The friend who back stabbed you, would simply no longer be a friend. All drama would disappear for you would not be a participant, you would be whole and content from within.
The first step towards change is to be aware of our thoughts. Be aware of what we are sending out, what we are thinking about others and ourselves. Especially ourselves. It is easy at this point, to get caught up in a vicious cycle. I had a judgmental thought about so and so… crap, I screwed up again and all of a sudden we are beating up ourselves inflicting and piling more garbage on ourselves; we are judging ourselves. Yes, it is important to be aware and to change our thoughts towards the positive and loving and it is equally important to be accepting of ourselves and others as we/they are. Acknowledge that you are who, and what you are, and that others are who, and what they are. We are all on a journey of discovery and where we are is perfect for each of us inour own way. Stay aware and stay accepting and gentle. We have spent a lifetime building up this garbage and it will take more than a few days, weeks and maybe even years to clean it all up. One step at a time. One loving thought at a time. One kind gesture at a time. One gentle touch at a time. Find fulfillment from within. Reawaken the divine love within and realize that you are already whole and complete. Reawaken the knowledge that there is nothing outside of you that you need to feel happiness and joy. From this state of love from within, relationships become empowering to both people. We love for the beauty that is within each other, for the joys we share, for the time we spend, for the pure unconditional-ness of being with another human being.
Originally Posted: 4/21/2009
This one has stuck with me for a couple of days ow. I have not written in a longtime and there are many reasons for that. Most significantly, I have been wrapped up in other aspects of my world; which in turn have caused me to allow myself to slowly become more and more associated with those aspects. I have been neglecting the aspects of balance – even though at the time, I thought I was heading in the right direction. Slowly, I was feeling more and more run down and having a harder time recuperating from my musical endeavors. I had an epiphany the other night coming home from a show. It was a really late show and I was feeling really down. I did a bit of personal writing which at this time I am not read yot share… There are many things simmering and I need time to put myself back on track… It was a pivotal moment and I am thankful that I was able to listen without putting myself through another stroke or worse Now, with a renewed sense of myself and a new course that is much more open, I am slowly feeling back in balance. I know many challenges await and even tougher decisions… I hope I am up to the task… as soon as we think we’ve got it, is when we least “have it”. For there is not “getting it”. One cannot “get it”, one can only “be it”. I feel rather silly and embarrassed and thankful all wrapped up in one…
It is all so open ended now… What do I do? There is this wide open space in front of me, without any defined course, without any definite plans.. How do I traverse this course without a plan? Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Plan? Set goals? Set intentions? Maybe the intentions we are setting are only intentions of the ego, which in of themselves are not bad, they are just not necessarily in alignment with out higher selves. So, now, I am standing, naked to the universe, following what I can only call intuition – no, because right now, I don’t have any strong feelings about what to do – I only know that what I was doing, was taking me down a path of hardship, a path of increasing challenge. So I guess I am following with my heart, hoping that the clues will be visible enough for me to see, audible enough for me to listen and tangible enough for me to feel my way through…
In this dream I had Thursday night; I felt at last that I had stopped fighting.. I had just finished reading “Sacred” Journey of the Peaceful Warrior” for the second time – if you have not read this book, it is an amazing, powerful and soul touching journey that will leave you crying, smiling, laughing and feeling alive and hopeful. I had also just started reading a book called “The Shack” which is another powerful story. Anyhoo, in my dream, I was swimming in a large river with Daylan, Maggie and some friends of ours, Jamie and Amy. The river was very clear. I grabbed a fish and showed it to Jamie more as a “look at this” than seriously about using it for food; it was black though and dying and I let it go again quickly as he said, “Nah”. Jamie and I were looking at a photo book with pictures of houses along the river and I pointed out a house that I really wanted. It was only accessible form a dock in the river as it sat on an island. Jamie looked at it and I explained that it was not the prettiest house, but it was spacious and something about it just called to me. It was weathered looking – solid and well built, and weathered looking. Rather boxy and somehow majestic looking at the same time… We kept down down the river, with the flow. The waters were, in the middle, darker and a bit more turbulent and closer to the shore, were very smooth and clear – I could see way down deep into the water and I noticed far below a prehistoric predatory fish – it was huge, with it’s long, narrow jaw with rows of razor sharp teeth – I had a very brief moment of concern (not scared or fearful) and then something or someone said – a narrator it seems said, that the fish was not interested in me or us, it was feeding off of the fish and at that moment it caught a large fish in it’s jaws and swam away underneath us. It too was very black looking.. We kept going down the river – at one point I was thinking about how to make it back up the river and then said to myself that I would figure that out when we need to – I knew it would be a tough swim to go back up and then I let it go.. and finally we came to a house which we entered. Inside was a table with a guest book. I picked up the guest book and said to Jamie – we forgot to sign this last time we were here! We looked through it and Maggie found my name written twice – just my first name in a signature that did not look like mine and next to the second entry of my name was another name next to it. It was a girls name – I can’t remember what it was – it was not a name I recognized. Then I woke up…
It struck me that I had finally let go and was allowing myself to go with the current of life – to me, the waters being so clear implies cleared thoughts and feelings. Although I am not sure why the waters were darker in the middle, possibly there are stil something at the heart that need clearing up… The fish struck me as people, as humanity, with the prehistoric predator symbolizing fear and the things that we human beings get so caught up, allowing ourselves to be eaten up by it – being caught by it. The black, dying fish are all those people that have allowed the dark waters to overcome them, that have lost touch with their inner divinity and have died to the love of source.
I fee that there is much here and much that I am not sure about. I did feel that I was finding my way back again… finding the flow. We shall see where it leads as once again, the winds of change are blowing, strongly. I can feel them – new adventures await. Let’s hope this time I am aware enough to listen the first time and not force myself to create major challenges to push me back on track…
Originally Posted: 4/4/2009
It has been a long time since I have written… I have been absorbed with band stuff. So, here is a plug for all things band!
1- On my music page is a music player with some songs of my bands. The more plays we get, the more points we get on ReverbNation ( a major music site) and hence the higher our ranking.
2- Check out our MySpace page and add us as a friend: http://www.myspace.com/crashingatdawnrocks
3- Search and add us on FaceBook! Crashing At Dawn
4- Join our mailing list to be updated with new songs, videos and shows!
5- SPREAD THE WORD!
Thank you and I will get back to writing!
Peace and harmony to you.
In love and gratitude,
Franz~
Originally Posted: 2/24/2009
Another long pause… Moving again and the holiday’s have been at the forefront of my world and hence I have neglected writing or sharing anything new… I have a few things that I have been wanting to write about and intend on sharing those in the near future. As a general update to my world, I am feeling better, more at peace and finding more and new ways of getting out of my head and into my heart. Being compassionate and understanding to all. It is challenging at times. Yet infinitely worth it!
I am once again playing guitar with my band. It is an odd situation as I still do not listen, nor do I enjoy listening to music. In small doses I can tolerate it. For some reason, playing the guitar feels good, feels right. I really do find joy in it. Thanks to my good friend Johnny, I have found an ear plug setup that has allowed me to handle the sound while playing, while still being able to keep up with what is going on. The playing is easy; the listening is really challenging and it wipes me out. It takes me a couple days to recover from rehearsals and shows. I am calling it my rehab Another fun dichotomy in my world…
After some new testing I have discovered new areas that were affected by the stroke. My visual memory is very weak and are other memory areas. The good news is that I now have things that I can start working on to assist in recovering. I took the Weschler (sp?) test, which is a cognitive thinking and memory test (to the best of my knowledge). That was a killer.. 3.5 hours of testing and I felt like I got hit by a truck. I crashed hard for two days after that. It is good to get a better understanding of limitations and deficiencies. Thereby allowing me the opportunity to work on them. I went out to the thrift store and bought a bunch of puzzle type books – brain exercise type stuff. Thrift stores rule They are good because it forces me to think abstractly and to concentrate. Then I found a great one to work on… Legos! My son got a bunch of new Lego sets for Christmas and I love to help him with them (well, he does all the work, I just help find the pieces). It was great, because I had to remember the type of piece I was looking for along with how many AND got to spend cool time with my son I think he will be getting more Legos soon
I am now settled well into a new space with some beautiful friends. It is still challenging to ask for help. Even in my most down of times in the past (heck I lived in a car for a few weeks long ago I always managed to get it together on my own. It has been a great lesson in humility and letting go of pride. Why do we human beings find it so easy to give and so difficult to accept gifts and/or ask for help? Pride… and ego… Another fine lesson learned… That sounds sarcastic, but I mean it in all sincerity. Being forced to ask for help has been a great gift in itself. Setting aside a new part of ego has allowed me a new perspective. Maintaining the balance of letting the ego go more and more and yet holding onto enough of it so that I still have a sense of drive/ambition/desire that is in harmony with and not steam rolling my higher self.
It is still strange sometimes. My world is SO different from what it was. I get asked occasionally; “Are you happy?” There is no way to put that into a yes or no way… Yes, I am happy and yes, I miss many components of my old life. I still feel sad in a lot of ways. Yet, that sadness is not debilitating or negative. It is a natural reaction to change. I would not be human if I didn’t feel sadness or any other emotion. The difference for me now is that I see and watch my emotions without attachment. Almost like watching a movie sometimes… So, am I happy? Happiness is a choice (that is a wonderful book in case you were looking for something new to read I choose to be happy, to see the beauty of the world around me. I strive to be more understanding, compassionate and loving and… happy. To find the positive in al situations, especially the one that are most challenging. It is from the challenges that we learn most. I look at the parts of my world that are painful, sad, difficult, challenging, irritating and I embrace them with the knowledge that they are there to help me grow, to become more… More of my potential.
Where from here? As the song says, “Where does, this road go? I don;t know, but I will go..” I am hopeful and positive.
Originally posted: 12/27/2008
I watched a movie called Opus this past Monday. It was similar to the Secret in that it was about being in charge of our lives and being able to create/manifest the life we choose. It was not as focused on creating material things as the secret was though. It was more focused on creating ourselves and our worlds as a whole. It also carried with it a strong message of there being much more than the physical aspects of life to create, which was nice and also focused a lot more on the fact that manifesting requires action in addition to belief and thought.
Something struck me as I watched. I have found that when I become attached to that which I want to manifest in my life, I enter a state of it not being okay for x, y or z to be so. That is resistance. This movie did not touch on attachment either. When we are too attached to the outcome, we are in a state of resistance to what is and resistance to what might be. I will attempt to find the correct words here. While it is true that we need to have our intentions firmly planted and we must allow our whole being to belief it as so, at the same time it needs to be without attachment. Acceptance of what is is critical in our lives for growth to happen. When we do not accept, we are resisting right? It seems like a big dichotomy. How can we have unwavering faith in our manifestation/intentions without being attached to it? Faith and belief in what we are creating are critical and they do not require attachment. By being detached, we enter a space of allowing the universe to work with us, for our higher good, without our minds playing and interfering with the process. When we tell ourselves that this “has” to happen, or that “this will happen no matter what” or “this must work”, there is conflict in the message to the universe and we slow down or even stop the creative process.
Being detached does not mean that we do not care about it or that we are not passionate about it either. We can be caring, passionate, dedicated and excited; but we must also be able to let go. It is almost like entering a state of “nothing to lose”. I am where I am and I have nothing to lose by changing my thoughts and feelings about it. Attachment leaves and miraculous transformations happen. Morris Goodman, The Miracle Man is a beautiful example. He was on the brink of death and the doctors said that he would never walk or talk again and worse. He accepted completely where he was and he had nothing to lose by giving it his all to heal his life. He knew, without doubt that he could do all the things and more that his doctors said he could not. He knew. It was not a thought or feeling, it was beyond that – doubt was removed, attachment was removed and he entered a state of pure knowing and did the miraculous.
We are ALL capable of creating miracles in our lives, our worlds and more. Find the bliss within, hold onto your intentions and also let them go. Relish the feelings of creating the world you want and enjoy the journey of getting there. Then, enjoy the next journey you decide to create; for it is not the destinations that we find true joy in, it is the journey of creating and discovery. What then? Beyond the destinations lie sharing our joys and helping others to find that joy within themselves…
Originally Posted: 11/6/2008
Today I am feeling a lot more “human” than “being”… stuck in my thoughts as it were. A bit frustrated with myself and with my world.. no, not my world. My world is truly amazing… I am finding it very challenging to get things done that I feel I want to do. I have things that I want to do and it seems that every day is another set of things that prevents me from doing them. I ask the question, well, is it something that I “really” want to do? Or is it something that I “think” I want to do. Are they just challenges placed to test my resolve? To test just how much I want to do them? Well, I have certainly created some serious obstacles! I have all the time I need and yet it seems that I keep getting stuck with other things – rather, allowing myself to get stuck on other things. Maybe it is just discipline that I need to work on. Maybe I need to just hunker down and force myself to do and put the other things to the side.
I find it so easy to read into others and even myself, except when it involves figuring out what to do with my world. I am blessed with being in a position to be able to reinvent myself, to re-create myself, to start from scratch and be whatever it is that I want, to be whatever it is that I want to be. So what is holding me back? It is doubt.. I have in mind what I want, then there is a part of me that says, okay, that is great, go for it! BUT! Keep doing other things “just in case” or “so that you have something in the interim”. I am defeating my own creative energy before it gets a chance to manifest.. wow… you’d think I would have this down by now fascinating how our minds can work and un-work our intentions so quickly.
So, I guess my challenge now, is keeping in line with my intentions and still doing other things. Because the other things ARE things that I want to do and ARE things that I find and/or will find joy in.
I will change my approach now.. I can intend more than one thing and I don’t have to do anything “just in case”. I am doubting myself, or at least part of myself. I will explore this facet that seems to remain. I have been talking to a lot of my facets lately…
We are such amazingly creative, wonderful, powerful and infinite beings and yet we constantly allow our human-ness to walk all over us.. No, that is too harsh. We allow our human-ness to be what it is… thought, yet instead of it being just thought, we give it power by investing in those thoughts. Our human-ness is meant to be a tool to allow us the joy of experiencing this amazing, beautiful and wonderful place called a physical universe. Instead we so often turn it into “us” or try to…
It is time to take this tool and use it to be the action needed to create my new world.
There is nothing wrong with being human. There is nothing wring with being fallible. I need to remember to be gentle, to embrace my human-ness and not to fight it. Acknowledge that it is there, accept it as it is, then embrace it in all it’s quirky human-ness and then release… Stay aware, and don’t take it too seriously…
Originally posted: 11/05/2008
